


Just Like Always

by siriusRocky0425



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, basically ot5 feelings towards rocky, ot6 friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27226744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriusRocky0425/pseuds/siriusRocky0425
Summary: Rocky prides himself as the rock in their group but this time he felt like the rock reached it's breaking point.He's no diamond after all.
Relationships: Kim Myungjun | MJ/Park Minhyuk | Rocky, Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Park Minhyuk | Rocky, Moon Bin/Park Minhyuk | Rocky, Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin/Park Minhyuk | Rocky, Park Minhyuk | Rocky/Yoon Sanha
Comments: 21
Kudos: 60





	1. you're beautiful, but you're breaking my heart

"Rocky's leaving the group"

Jinjin couldn't believe what the manager said.

"What? You're joking right?" How could it be? They just finished promoting their latest album, there are no signs that he's unhappy, none that Jinjin is aware of, why would the manager say such thing.

"He talked to me yesterday, I believe he'll have a meeting with the management later." their manager sighs, "I just thought you should know since you're their leader. He told me he haven't mentioned it to any of you yet, he's waiting until it's final."

"but why?" Jinjin felt his heart beating fast, he doesn't want to believe this news but he needs to know everything and he needs to know if he could talk Rocky out of it.

"You could try talking to him about it, i'm sure he'll understand it's inevitable that you'd know firsthand." their manager tapped Jinjin's arms as if consoling him. "I think he's at the basement's practice room right now."

\--------------

Jinjin wasted no time and walked his way to the basement, he felt like crying. How did he not notice anything? Why would Rocky do this? He have a lot of questions in his mind.

When he reached the practice room's door, he released a big sigh before he opens it and found Rocky in the middle of dancing. Rocky doesn't notice him entering, too lost on the music. He's so beautiful, Jinjin thought. He always find Rocky extra beautiful whenever he dances, his gracefulness, his details, it's all so mesmerizing to see but now the scene is just breaking his heart.

Jinjin watched Rocky trying to feel the music, trying to become it. He extended a graceful arm, gently curved fingers, folding himself inwards slowly as the music became soft and fluttery. There were no vocals; only him and the melody. As the piece came to an end, he stayed folded, arm extended, lowering himself to the ground. He raised his hand up, with his face still on his fingers, before letting them fall to cover his face.

Rocky was jerked from his dancing haze when he looked at the mirror and saw Jinwoo standing by the door.

"Hyung." Rocky stood up to approach Jinjin and as he comes close, he noticed the leader is crying.

"Hyung, why are you crying?" Rocky cooed at their leader, "are you moved by my dancing? since when did you enter exactly, i haven't noticed when you entered."

"Rocky-ah" Jinjin started and he tried to calm his heart, to stop the tears but it keeps on coming, his heart so heavy as he looked at Rocky's eyes. "Why?"

Rocky froze. He knows, Jinjin knows and he turned his back quickly on their leader, not wanting to talk about it even though it's clear that there's no way out of this now that their leader knows.

"Rocky, please talk to me." there's pain in his tone and Rocky felt his knees go weak as he heard it so he let himself sit down on the floor. Jinjin is in front of him in no time, eyes searching Rocky's eyes for answers.

"I'm sorry hyung. It's just, I.. I've been thinking of this for awhile now." Rocky looked down, too ashamed to look at their leader's eyes.

"What's the reason Rocky? please, I want to know if I could do anything about it."

"That's why I don't want anyone of you to know until it's final.. i know you're gonna go out of your way to talk me out of this." Jinjin couldn't help but cry more at those words.

"It's because you're our brother, don't you think of us the same?" Rocky started to cry, he loves his members, he really do and that's what hurts him more. "Why would you leave us?"

"I don't feel like a part of the team anymore.." For all the reasons Jinjin could formulate in his head, this one was not it. "I feel like, you could go on without me.. I don't have a specific role for our team. I've been the main dancer before but now I'm not that anymore.. Bin.." Rocky paused and Jinjin could see the pain in his eyes when he said his best friend's name, he waited for Rocky to continue, "Bin has that title now and I understand," Rocky let out a sob, "he's popular, he have many fans. I know I shouldn't care, but I've been constantly pushed to the corner and I don't know what to do anymore."

"Rocky,"

"but I can deal with that you know, being pushed to the corner.. but I've been thinking how i've been so jealous of all the attention Bin hyung is getting," Rocky looked up to meet Jinjin's eyes. "and I felt bad hyung, why would I even think like that? how could i even think of that when we're a team? but I can't get that thought out of my head. It will just be better if I leave."

Jinjin held Rocky's hands, "I'm sorry Rocky. Sorry if you felt that way, you should've told me all of this" he searched Rocky's eyes then squeezed his hands harder "but what would Astro be without you?"

Rocky scoffed at that, "you'd still be Astro, you'll do fine hyung, without me you'd still feel complete, no one would even notice you lost a member" Rocky pulled his hands away from Jinjin and stood up to gather his things.

"Please, we need to talk about this." Jinjin said standing up after Rocky.

"I just.. I can't deal with this right now hyung. You're not even supposed to know this yet." Rocky slinged his bag at his shoulders and started walking to the door to leave.

"You're breaking my heart Minhyuk." Rocky stopped when he heard those words but he just continued walking out not bothering looking back as he mumbled to himself, "i'm sorry Jinjin hyung, but my heart is hurting too."

\--------------

  
"Hyung, have you read Jinjin-hyung's message on the group chat?" Sanha asked Bin as they get ready to leave after they're done with their MC job.

"I haven't checked yet. Why?"

"He said he needs us complete later" Sanha shivered at his thought, "I'm scared, did I do something wrong? I don't want to be scolded right now." Bin furrowed his eyebrows at Sanha.

"I don't know" Bin laughed, "maybe you did, so you better be ready."

Bin opened their group chat when they settled at the car on the way home.

**Jinwoo 07:35 PM**  
Be home at 9PM. Let's all talk later.

**Myungjun 07:38 PM**  
What did Sanha do this time?

**Sanha 08:01 PM**  
What? WHY IS IT ME?

**Eunwoo 08:05 PM**  
I'll be a bit late but I think I can get home at 9PM. Is something wrong hyung?

**Bin 08:07 PM**  
OHO. Sanha is shaking here beside me already, we're on our way home.

**Rocky 08:08 PM**  
Can I not be a part of this? I'll be at the company, I'll be back later. do your thing without me.

Sanha looked at Bin as soon as he read the message. "What's up with Rocky-hyung?"

Bin is still looking at his phone, eyebrows furrowed when he answered, "I don't know, it's not like him to talk back like that."

"It got awkward, I don't wanna butt in anymore in that." Sanha closed his eyes and rest his head on the car seat while Bin is waiting for another message from their group.

**Eunwoo 08:15 PM**  
Why Rocky? Is your matter more important than what we'll talk about later?

**Jinwoo 08:17 PM**  
Let him be Eunwoo, we can talk without him later.

"Huh." Bin huffed as he read Jinjin's message and he can't help thinking what is wrong with Rocky so he decided to message him.

**Bin 08:20 PM**  
Yah, what's up with you? Why would you talk like that at our group chat?

**Rocky 08:21 PM**  
Is something wrong?

**Bin 08:23 PM**  
You usually don't talk back like that, especially towards Jinjin hyung, that's not very nice of you.

**Bin 08:25 PM**  
What will you do at the company anyway? that you couldn't get your ass back home at 9?

**Rocky 08:27 PM**  
I just have something to take care of. okay? Jinjin hyung didn't even insist I need to be there so why are you like that.

**Bin 08:28 PM**  
We have a schedule today and we can get home by 9PM for that meeting, and you, what? maybe you just danced all day today right?

**Bin 08:29 PM**  
you could be at the company anytime today but you can't be home when our leader asked you to? you don't even have a schedule.

**Rocky 08:32 PM**  
wow. that's so nice of you to say.


	2. why would he

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rocky.." Jinjin managed to say between sobs
> 
> "What about Rocky, hyung?" Bin blurted out suddenly, a lump is forming at his throat, seeing Jinjin cry means this is something bad and serious, and hearing Rocky's name scared the heck out of him.

**Bin 08:29 PM**  
you could be at the company anytime today but you can't be home when our leader asked you to? you don't even have a schedule.

**Rocky 08:32 PM**  
wow. that's so nice of you to say.

Bin rolled his eyes reading Rocky's reply. He can't believe Rocky is giving him attitude today. He decided not to reply and just wait until he sees him later when he decides to come home.

\----------

When Bin and Sanha entered the dorm, they found Jinjin and Mj at the dining room preparing their dinner.

"You're back. How's your day?" Jinjin asked when he saw the two.

"I'm sorry Jinjin-hyung" Sanha went to the leader and cuddled him wishing his cuteness will make the leader forgive him for whatever it is he doesn't know he did.

"Yah, yah. did you really do something wrong?" Mj asked Sanha.

"I don't know, but just in case."

"Don't worry Sanha-yah, I'm not scolding anyone today." Jinjin smiled but Bin noticed it didn't reach his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Bin asked as they all sat down at the dining table, ready to eat.

Jinjin sighs and answered, "We'll talk about it later, for now let's eat."

Bin didn't push Jinjin to tell since he said it'll be talked about later and besides he's hungry and he'll never let food wait.

"Rocky really won't join us later?" Mj asked while eating.

Jinjin hummed as an answer without looking away at his food.

"You know, i'm kinda worried about him these days." Mj started that made Jinjin looked up at him, curious.

"He's back to being so quiet and shy these days. I don't know. I kinda want to talk to him about it but I've been so busy, I havent gotten the time to do so.." Why haven't he noticed it? Thinking about it, Mj is right, he's been so reserved these days, a complete turn from being his bubbly energetic self the past few comebacks.. Jinjin saw the concern in Mj's eyes.

Mj has always been so protective of Rocky, he may not say it but Jinjin knows that Rocky is the brother he cares about the most. Now he's dreading breaking the news to them later, he knew all of them would be heartbroken, some may even be angry at one point but he's been the most concerned towards Bin, he's been with Rocky for so long he's afraid this news is gonna hurt Bin so much and now, looking at Mj's eyes, he knew it would break Mj's heart too.

"Is he in some kind of mood?" Bin said interrupting Jinjin's thoughts. "I even messaged him after he answered you on the group chat, and he just gave me attitude."

"I- just let's let him be for now." Jinjin needs to get the news out to his members first then he'd try to talk to Rocky again.

"I just don't understand hyung, what is so important tonight that he didn't get to do earlier? He didn't even have a schedule." Sanha looked at Bin, eyes wide with a spoon on his mouth.

"I guess you told him that, did you? did you argue? I heard your frustrations earlier while at the car" Sanha said in the middle of chewing his food and Jinjin looked at Bin waiting for his answer, concern clearly written on his eyes, praying Bin didn't say anything that could hurt Rocky given the situation.

"oh I did, and he just went 'wow, that's so nice of you to say'.. i didn't reply after that." Jinjin released the breath he's been holding, pressed his fingers on the bridge of his nose, shook his head and said. "Oh, Binnie."

\----

It was around 9:30 when Eunwoo came home and he saw his members gathered at the leaving room watching tv, all except Rocky. He didn't particularly liked how Rocky talked at their group chat earlier but Jinjin just let it go so he didn't think about it that much, all his concern is focused on what is the purpose of this meeting, is it something serious, and why they all need to be there but not Rocky?

"Eunwoo, have you eaten already? There's still food on the table, I set it aside just in case you haven't eaten yet." Jinjin said as he saw Eunwoo.

"I already ate hyung, I'll just take a quick shower then I'll join you, yeah?" Jinjin hummed as an answer and Eunwoo walked to his room to prepare for his shower.

After Eunwoo's shower, he went straight to the living room not bothering drying his hair and as soon as Jinjin saw him, he turned the tv off and faced his members who are looking at him with concern in their eyes, waiting for Jinjin to drop whatever it is he called this meeting for.

"Uhm.." Jinjin rubbed his hands at his face not knowing how to start. His members patiently wait for him and as he took his time, he realized the feeling of heaviness in his heart that he chose to ignore all day for the sake of his members are crawling back into the surface and tears are starting to form in his eyes again.

Jinjin looked up at the members, already glassy-eyed. "I don't know how to even start,-" he paused and he couldn't stop the sob that came out of him. Mj is by his side in an instant and is rubbing his back trying to soothe him, "Jin-ah, what is it?"

"Hyung, what is it? You're scaring me. What's the matter." Sanha asked, his eyes are wandering, looking at Jinjin then Bin then Eunwoo..

"Rocky.." Jinjin managed to say between sobs

"What about Rocky, hyung?" Bin blurted out suddenly, a lump is forming at his throat, seeing Jinjin cry means this is something bad and serious, and hearing Rocky's name scared him that he didn't realized he was shaking until Eunwoo put his hand on his thigh to calm him down, urging him to wait for Jinjin to continue.

"Rocky is leaving us. He's leaving Astro." Bin felt his whole body weakened as he slid down the couch to the floor, Eunwoo holding his arm to support him. Mj's hands fall from Jinjin's back as he let himself fall on the back of the couch, head faced towards the ceiling, closed his eyes as a tear fall on the side of his face.

"Hyung, you're joking right?" Sanha is the first one to speak

"I wish I was Sanha. I wish I was." Jinjin turned to look at Mj and he reached out to hold his hand.

"Hyung, I don't know what I did wrong. I lacked so much as a leader and it lead to this." Mj opened his eyes to look at Jinjin, wiping his tears at the process.

"Don't think like that Jin-ah.. What happened? Did he talk to you about it?" Mj tried to compose himself, he's the eldest of them all, he needs to understand the situation because no way in hell he'd just let Rocky leave them.

"No. He didn't want anyone of us to know until it's final.. The manager is the one who told me earlier saying I deserve to know since I'm the leader." Jinjin stopped to control his sobbing before continuing, "I talked to him after knowing, but our conversation didn't last long, he's caught off guard, he was so sure he'd just leave without us convincing him not to."

"Is he serious?" Bin asked and Jinjin looked at him, he's not crying but Jinjin could see his heart breaking through his eyes. "Why would he even think of leaving the group, it's his dream, our dream together.. we worked hard for it for so long and now that we're slowly getting there and making ourselves more known, he's leaving?!" Bin didn't even mask the anger in his voice

"but Bin, you're his bestfriend, he didn't say anything to you?" Eunwoo asked.

"No." Bin looked down. "We haven't talked much these days, I haven't even got the time to ask him how he's doing. I've been so preoccupied." Bin starts rambling, "what kind of bestfriend am I?" Eunwoo hushed him.

"I told you something's wrong." Mj said. "I knew it, he's been so quiet lately, always camping out on the practice room, overworking himself." Mj sighed. "I got hold of him yesterday and asked him how he is but he just said he's fine and told me not to worry. He said it's nothing. He even reminded me not to tire myself too much. That kid," he turned to Jinjin again.

"Did he tell you the reason?"

"He told me he feels like he's not part of the team anymore, that we could go on without him." Jinjin sighed. "I just don't understand, he's such a big part of Astro, why would he think that? I feel like there's more to it than that." He looked at Bin, "then he rambled about being the main dancer then but now he feels like he doesn't have a role anymore since.." he hesitated, he took a quick glance at Bin and released another sigh. "Since Bin obviously took that role now and that he's more famous than him and have more schedules while he does nothing."

Sanha whipped his head to look at Bin, jaw dropped as he remembered the conversation at dinner about the exchange of messages between Bin and Rocky.

Jinjin added, "but he said he's feeling worse that he thinks that way towards Bin and that's what's really bothering him."

"I really fucked up this time huh.. I can't believe I even said that to him, not knowing it's eating him up" Bin said gripping at his hair.

"Bin, stop it. What happened?" Eunwoo asked and Sanha relayed their conversation earlier to him. After hearing what happened, Eunwoo just pursed his lips and pat Bin's back.

"Sometimes you could be really insensitive Bin-ah.. I can't even imagine how hurt he was reading those words, even coming from his own best friend." Myungjun huffed as he sat straight, "Not everyone in this group gets to have solo schedules, you know that. Not everyone could have the opportunity" and with that, Myungjun stood up and retreated to their shared room leaving the others shocked at the eldest's words.

"We won't let Rocky leave without talking to us okay? I don't want him to leave, and if it's for a reason that could be solved, I will do my best to make him stay." Eunwoo said, breaking the silence then turned to face Bin. "He's hurt like you too Bin, we all are, but you know MJ-hyung cherishes Rocky the most so this news must be really hard for him too. I know you understand, and I know you didn't mean to hurt Rocky."

"Let's talk again tomorrow about what we'll do. It's getting late and I know some of you have schedules in the morning" Jinjin stood up. "I'll try talking to Rocky again too"

\----------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. the news are out to the members.. poor Bin..
> 
> who do you think will talk to Rocky first? 
> 
> I wanted to capture how Mj takes extra care and is extra protective of Rocky.. I know he cares and loves all the members, i just think that towards Rocky there's a little extra? iykwim.. among the maknae line, he identifies Sanha as his friend and Rocky really as his younger brother. just my observation. 😌


	3. taken for granted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He haven't seen Bin's eyes, he never even looked at him at all but hearing those sounds hurts and he don't know how many times his heart would break in this entire process. He definitely didn't ask for this.

Rocky came home at around 3am feeling exhausted. He had a meeting with their management earlier that night about his decision about leaving the group, of course the management is not happy with it, of course they never saw this coming, but with everything that's been happening within the company, it's not a long shot for one to get tired and that's what he is right now- tired. He was actually surprised they didn't just let him go when it's the company that made him feel like someone disposable, making him lose all his confidence. It may be part of the reason, but definitely not the main reason he's got to this point of wanting to leave the group because he's always been so resilient when it comes to the problems within the company as long as he's got the members. The problem now is, he felt like he's losing the members by his side one by one, feeling like he's driving them away, _what is wrong with me_ , he always thought. He loves his members so much, he's just not that happy anymore that even dancing can't convince him he can pretend he's okay with everything just so he could do what he loves the most. It breaks him inside, he's giving it his all but no one seems to appreciate it anymore, it's exhausting. After the meeting, he decided to kill time at his studio and write songs, which comes easy these days, writing lyrics with all these kind of feelings he have been having gives him so much to work from.

On his way home, he can't help thinking about the members, did Jinjin already tell them about him leaving the group? He had a feeling that is what the meeting is about, he didn't mean to be rude at their group chat earlier but he really can't be home that time since he had that meeting with the management, Jinjin knew that, he didn't have to tell them about it. Also, he wouldn't want to be at that dorm meeting when Jinjin clearly knew that he didn't want to tell the members about it but of course their leader will tell the others, it's a given when one of them found out. He blames the manager for it. He checked his phone before going out of the company and he only got a message from MJ reminding him to eat dinner and to not overwork himself. He's glad that even though they already knew about the news, none of them texted him about it, not even Bin and he can't help but scoff when he remembered Bin's last message to him, way to rub it in his face.

The dorm is dark and quiet when he entered and he was relieved, he didn't want to face any of the members and answer any of the questions they may throw at him. He dropped his bag on the floor and went straight to the kitchen to drink water. He startled when arms suddenly enveloped him hugging him from behind and he froze when he hear sobs coming from the man who hugged him, he didn't have to look to know who it is.

"Rocky, I'm so sorry." Bin sobbed into Rocky's hair and he felt Rocky sigh.

"Hyung, I really don't have the energy for this right now." hearing Bin cry makes his chest feel tight, he never wanted it but he really didn't have the energy talk to him when he's clearly the reason Bin is crying.

_What even is he apologizing for? He suddenly cared again?_ He always believed they meant so much to each other but lately he felt like he's the only one feeling that way towards Bin.

He gently removed Bin's arm from his chest and brought it down, his hand enclosing Bin's. He gave it a slight squeeze, let go and started walking away towards his room leaving Bin standing there still crying. He heard Bin's cries grow louder when he reached his bedroom door and he entered quickly to drown out the sounds. He leaned against the other side of the door and controlled his breathing, willing himself not to cry and not to make any sounds to not wake Sanha and MJ up. He haven't seen Bin's eyes, he never even looked at him at all but hearing those sounds hurts and he don't know how many times his heart would break in this entire process. He definitely didn't ask for this.

\--------------------

It was a day where Eunwoo have a rare day-off and being a morning person, he's already up at 8am despite not having a schedule today. He sat up at his bed replaying the events of yesterday night. Did Rocky really want to leave the group? It's so sudden that he didn't know what to feel, he also still doesn't want to believe it's true. Lost in his thoughts, he heard a knock at the door and it opened even before he could answer.

"Hey," it was Jinjin.

"Good morning hyung, why are you up so early? Are you leaving?" Jinjin is not a morning person so he's surprised he's up at this hour. noticing that he's already dressed up, especially after such an emotional night.

"I'm needed at the company. You know, maybe they want to discuss things about Rocky. I knew they had a meeting last night with him that's why he didn't go home early last night." Eunwoo nod at an understanding.

"Are you the only one awake?" He asked not knowing if the other members have their own schedules.

"MJ hyung already left for his schedules today, Bin and Sanha is coming with me to the company, they have their own things to discuss with the management"

"and Rocky? did he even come home last night?"

"I checked on him when I woke up, he's at their room. I think he's still sleeping, if he didn't insist on dancing or being at the studio, I think he'll stay home today." Eunwoo bit his lip at the thought of talking to Rocky today about the topic of him leaving. "You could talk to him if you want, you may get a lot from him than what I had yesterday. Just be easy on him, let's understand where he's coming from. hmm?" Eunwoo nod and Jinjin left him to himself.

Eunwoo went to the kitchen to make some coffee, thinking if he should make one for Rocky too and decided to make it since he'll go to the younger's room after.

Holding two mugs in one hand, Eunwoo decided to knock on Rocky's shared room with MJ and Sanha, not knowing if he's already awake. When there's no answer, he proceeded to open the door and let himself in. Rocky is still sleeping when he entered so he set down the mugs on the side table and sat on the bed, on the side where Rocky's facing. He watched Rocky sleeping and moved his hair out of his face, noticing how Rocky's eyes are puffy. Did he cry himself to sleep?

"Rockyah, how much are you hurting?" he whispered as he continued to caress Rocky's hair.

Rocky felt someone caressing his hair and hummed at the feeling. A little while later, he opened his eyes and saw Eunwoo smiling down at him.

"Hyung?"

"Good morning, did I wake you up?" Eunwoo smiled at Rocky

"It's okay, what time is it?"

"It's almost 10. Do you have somewhere to go today?" Rocky sat up to face Eunwoo properly.

"No, I have no schedule. You?" It is rare for Rocky to see Eunwoo these days due to his full schedules of drama and endorsement shoots. It is a good view to see him when he wakes up.

"I'm free for today, will you mind giving me company?" Rocky hummed as an answer and Eunwoo reached for the coffee. "I made you coffee." Rocky took the cup from Eunwoo, he stared at it for a moment, winced when he took a sip from it. He blinked his eyes and felt how heavy it is, he remembers the night before, the meeting, the members knowing, and Bin, Bin hugging him and crying at the kitchen. He lets out a sigh and put the cup he's holding back at the table.

"How are you Rocky?" Eunwoo started, he don't want to bring up his leaving the group topic so suddenly and he have a feeling that Rocky already knows that they all knew already.

"I'm fine hyung. I've been writing lyrics, lots of it." Rocky wanted to say that he'll leave it to them and let them use it for future use even when he left but thought better of it.

"Are you sure you're fine?" Eunwoo looks at Rocky's eyes, "you can tell me what's bothering you."

"Hyung, why?" Eunwoo furrowed his brows, confused and that urged Rocky to continue, "I don't get it, you all suddenly care about me?"

"What do you mean? Do you think I don't care about you?" Eunwoo was shocked Rocky feels this way but he can't really blame him, as far as he knows himself, he haven't checked up on Rocky that much. He always thought of Rocky as someone who can manage himself properly that he didn't bother checking up on him, that and his busy schedule.

"I don't know" Rocky looked up at the ceiling, not wanting to meet Eunwoo's eyes right now. "You don't even remember I hate the taste of coffee" he mumbled.

"What?" Eunwoo asked as he didn't understand the last thing Rocky said and Rocky looked back at him.

"Just tell me, why are you here early in the morning to check up on me if not because of whatever it is Jinjin hyung told you last night?"

"Rocky." There is hardness in Eunwoo's voice that made Rocky wince.

"I'm sorry hyung, just. just go about your day, spend it how you want, you don't have to force yourself to check up on me just because of.. of.. things." Eunwoo held Rocky's hand in his.

"Why are you pushing me away?"

"I'm sorry for not always being there for you, you know how my schedule is."

"Am I pushing you away?" Rocky said so softly sounding so sad that Eunwoo leaned towards him to hear well. "Isn't it you who always push me away hyung?"

Eunwoo gasped at Rocky's words because it's like he slapped him with the truth, Rocky has always been there for him, wanting to be close to him and what is it he do? He's not literally pushing Rocky away but he always kind of jerked away whenever Rocky comes too close, the members even called Rocky his natural enemy. Despite that, Rocky has always been the sweetest to him, waiting for him to come home from his solo schedule, always says he misses him when he's away. Thinking all of these makes him realize how bad he treated Rocky's feelings.

He looked at Rocky and saw a tear fall down Rocky's cheeks which the younger quickly wiped away. Eunwoo found that he have no words to offer Rocky but 'sorry' so he just pulled Rocky into a hug and rubbed his back. When their bodies meet, Rocky lets go of his feelings and cried on Eunwoo's shoulders, Eunwoo also let his tears fall thinking if he's one of the reasons why Rocky wanted to leave the group and it hurts, it hurts him like hell so he can't even imagine the pain Rocky's feeling right now.

When Eunwoo felt Rocky calm down he decided to speak his mind and pulled Rocky away from the hug to make him look at him.

"Rocky-ah.. Minhyukie," he cupped Rocky's cheeks in his hands "hyung has been so inconsiderate towards you, towards your feelings, and I'm really really sorry about that." Rocky's eyes staring at Eunwoo are red and he keeps sniffing but he doesn't break eye-contact with him.

Eunwoo gently rubbed his thumb at Rocky's cheekbones. "But please, don't ever feel like I don't care about you because I do. I love you, you're my brother, I've been so busy with all my schedules left and right, and thinking of all of you always gives me strength. You don't know the happiness you give me whenever I come home to see you waiting up for me and giving me that wonderful smile of yours," Rocky laughed softly at that and Eunwoo smiled at him. "your dimpled smile, it comforts me you know. I am so thankful for you, you always go out of your way to help me catch up with our practices, you stay up all night just to teach me and never did I hear you complain about any of it even if it's hard."

Eunwoo can't help the tears that escaped his eyes remembering every thing Rocky did for him, he realized he won't know what he'd do without Rocky and that made him sob so hard and hugged Rocky again, tighter this time. "I can't do this without you."

"Dongmin-hyung-"

"Shhh. just- I want you to think about this carefully okay?" Rocky nods against him. "I really don't want you to leave, but I won't force you to stay if you don't want to, or if you can't, anymore.. I just don't want you to decide on something that you will regret later." He kissed the side of Rocky's head and murmured against it, "When you're ready to talk about it, about your reason, come to me." He pulled him away from the hug again to meet his eyes. "Promise me Hyukie, promise me you'd think about it 10 times, 20 times over and over again before you finalize anything, make sure that that's what you really want, that that's what's best for you." Rocky is the one to initiate the hug this time. "I will always be here for you no matter what, hmm?"

"I promise hyung.. I'm sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is such an emotional write.. i have cried loads while writing this chapter. binhyuk and chaky in one chapter. phew. 
> 
> anyway, that binhyuk backhug, i pictured it like the backhug they did when recreating the gangnam beauty scene during AAF. yea. so that's how bin hugged rocky(while crying) if you want to picture it.


	4. even the strongest rocks breaks somehow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're his best friend-"
> 
> "I know." Bin cut him out. "That's why I'm scared. I'm scared of him leaving."

The meeting with the management just finished and Jinjin wants nothing but go home or lock himself up in his studio. He was briefed about what happened in the meeting with Rocky last night and they were asking him a lot of questions he himself don't know the answer to, so at the end of the meeting he was quite frustrated.

He quickly walked his way to his studio.

"Hyung." Jinjin turned around to see Bin walking up to him, noticing how the younger looks so tired.

When the younger caught up to him he asked, "Is your schedule done?". Bin shook his head, "We're just on a break"

"How are you? You don't look so good." Bin frowned."Who would look good after last night," Bin looked Jinjin up and down then pouts, "you don't look too good yourself too hyung. What happened there? I saw you walk out of the meeting room"

Bin waits for Jinjin to answer but the leader just sighed.

"Hyung, is it about Rocky?" Jinjin nodded. "What is it? Did they just let him leave?"

"No Bin. They told me they asked Rocky to think about it more and they'll have another meeting in two weeks for his final decision." Bin sighed and looked down. "also, during that wait, we have a scheduled performance."

Bin bit his lips trying so hard not to show how scared he is with all the things that's happening and Jinjin soothes his arms when he saw the emotions on Bin's eyes.

"Bin-ah, don't worry. We'll talk to Rocky, hmm?"

"Earlier," Bin hesitated, thinking back on what happened when he tried talking to Rocky but Jinjin urged him to continue, "I waited for Rocky to come home, I wanted to talk to him but he just shut me off." Bin winced at the thought of him hugging Rocky just for him to deny it. "He didn't want to talk to me."

Jinjin understands, "He had the meeting last night, maybe he was just too exhausted to talk at that moment." Jinjin searched for Bin's eyes, "Eunwoo said he'll try talking to him today as they would be the only ones at the dorm today."

He can still see the painful look on Bin's eyes so he held his hands. "You're his best friend-"

"I know." Bin cut him out. "That's why I'm scared. I'm scared of him leaving. What if I'm the reason? What if I hurt him unconsciously. Last night, the things I said to him, it was so dumb of me." Bin rambled on, he stopped when he felt the squeeze of the hand holding his and he looked at Jinjin with glassy eyes,

"I'm so scared Hyung."

  
\----------------------------------

  
Alone in his studio, Jinjin can't seem to get Bin's pained look out of his mind. He feels for his younger brother, that is the first time he saw that look in Bin's eyes, he looked so fragile. They've been roommates for a while now and Bin have always shared his thoughts and hardships with him. He had seen hurt in Bin's eyes but it's always hopeful despite the pain, he didn't even saw that look when he was going through a hard time that led to his hiatus last year, this time he saw pain and the genuine fear in his eyes. Rocky really means so much to Bin, he may not always seem to show it, but now Jinjin knows how deep it is. Jinjin released a big sigh as he hopes everything and everyone will soon be okay.

**Eunwoo 07:15PM**  
dinner at home?

**Jinjin 07:18PM**  
sounds good. what do you want? i'll buy on the way home

**Jinjin 07:19PM**  
Who's there?

**Eunwoo 07:20PM**  
Still just Rocky and me. Should I ask the others?

Before Jinjin could answer, Eunwoo already sent a message to their groupchat asking if anyone else would be home for dinner and Mj and Sanha answered. Mj saying he's having dinner with his SuperFive members, Sanha said Bin and him are still having their practice so they'd just order dinner and eat at the company in between practice.

Jinjin saw Eunwoo at the kitchen when he arrived home.

"Where's Rocky?" he asked searching the room.

"At his room, I asked him to join us for dinner but he just said he's not yet hungry and will just eat later."

Jinjin hummed and raised his eyebrows at Eunwoo and Eunwoo understood what his leader is curious of.

"Yes hyung, we talked."

Jinjin sat down on one of the stools waiting for Eunwoo to continue. Eunwoo started preparing their dinner on the dining table and started speaking when he sat down. "I don't think the reason for him wanting to leave the group is as simple as him being not the main dancer anymore."

He took a bite of the sandwich Jinjin brought home. "It may contribute to it, but I feel like it's not the main reason."

"Did he tell you that?" Jinjin also started eating.

"No. We didn't really talk about the topic of him wanting to leave." Eunwoo stopped eating to look at Jinjin seriously. "Do you feel like we took him for granted hyung?"

"Rocky?" Eunwoo nodded, Jinjin noticing the change of his expression to one of sadness."He made me cry earlier, really." Eunwoo added when Jinjin didn't answer. "I don't know about you hyung, i will speak for myself, I really did take him for granted and our conversation earlier made me realize that"

"Maybe I did too. We were almost always together, but see, I didn't even notice there's something bothering him. Maybe I've always thought of him strong that I forgot he's the 2nd youngest amongst us."

Eunwoo sighed, "Must've been hard for him. I don't think he got weak, he's strong, it's his personality. Maybe it just got too much for him. You know how even the strongest rocks breaks somehow." Jinjin stared amazingly at Eunwoo, he always admired his wisdom, like he always knows the right things to say, he could really be Astro's leader if not him.

"Where did we go wrong?" Jinjin asked, swallowing his last bit of dinner.

"Like I said, I really took him for granted and maybe, just maybe all of us did." Eunwoo answered finishing his dinner too. "Earlier, he said I was the one always pushing him away, he asked me why I bother checking up on him now. I've never been more heartbroken by his words hyung. I really did that to him and it hurts me".

Jinjin reached out across the table to grab Eunwoo's hand as a gesture of comfort from the leader, "Maybe he's just overwhelmed with all the attention he's been getting. He planned on not telling us in the first place because he knew this would happen."

A sound of a door opening signalled the end of their conversation and Jinjin started to clean up the dishes they used when Rocky entered the kitchen.

"Rocky, dinner?" Jinjin asked as he reached out to take some food out of the container to give to Rocky.

"Ahh no hyung, I'm just getting water." Rocky looked at Eunwoo and noticed the little sigh Eunwoo made.

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt something?" Rocky fidgets, feeling uncomfortable, not knowing whether he should just retreat to his room without getting the water. He knows the two has been talking about him judging by their expressions when he suddenly showed up.

"No, we were just going over the next few days schedules for Eunwoo." A lie, Rocky thought.

"Oh. okay, I guess you're gonna get busy again right Eunwoo hyung? Well, you always are." Jinjin passed Rocky a bottle of water and before Eunwoo could even answer his statement, Rocky already turned to leave after thanking Jinjin.

"Are you sure you don't want to eat?" Jinjin called after him.

"I'm not hungry. Good night hyung." Jinjin's shoulder sags.

"Let's give him time." he said turning to Eunwoo who sighed in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're waiting for this, i'm so sorry it took so long for me to update. Holidays came and I got busy, but I promise I'll finish this. :)
> 
> thank you for reading.. <3


	5. don't leave me..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just- I don't want Rocky hyung to leave." 
> 
> Sanha sobbed harder after he said the words and Eunwoo rubs his back to console him. 
> 
> "I don't want anyone of you to leave. We promised to be together for a long time right? You are my brothers, I need you beside me."

The management allowed Rocky to not participate in group practices for the time being so while the members are at their practice room, Rocky stays at their dorm. It is also discussed from the meeting of management with Jinjin that they will have a performance in 5 days for a festival, one they would do without Rocky.

Jinjin gathered the members together after doing their usual stretching and warm-ups before doing their choreographies to discuss the upcoming performance.

"Do we have upcoming performances hyung?" Eunwoo asked Jinjin.

"We have one for a festival next week," Jinjin paused looking at the questioning eyes of the members and sighed before continuing, "without Rocky."

Sanha whined and kicked his feet simultaneouly like a child throwing a tantrum. "Ugh. it's gonna be hard without Rocky hyung" he wiped his eyes with his arms, not knowing if it's tears or sweat that is irritating his eyes. He then looked up at Jinjin and asked, "He's not really leaving us right? He just needs time to rest, right hyung?"

Jinjin just looked at Sanha then at the other members and when he didn't answer, Sanha turned to Bin, "Bin hyung"

"I don't know Sanha. I really don't know" Bin mumbled and he believes that is the truth, he really doesn't know anything about Rocky anymore, he always thought he knew, always thought he knows his best friend more than anyone else but with what was happening, he knows he don't anymore and he can't help but blame himself.

"He promised me he'll think about it, so let's give him time and hope for the best." Eunwoo added and looked at his members, he noticed MJ deep in thought so he called for him, "Mhyung, what are you thinking?"

Mj looked at Eunwoo and shook his head, "Nothing important, i'm just spacing out." Mj answered but Jinjin knows it's not 'nothing important' as he dismissed it to be. He was about to ask Mj again when the eldest speaks again, "Don't we have to modify the choreo to a 5 person one?"

Jinjin stood up and the rest followed, "Yes we have to, it's different from all the 5 person choreo we've been doing, this time we're missing Rocky and you know how big his parts are in our dances."

"You'll cover all his parts hyung right?" Bin asked, "you know, the raps." Jinjin nods.

"I don't know how much of it I can cover, but you'll help in the dance part right?" Jinjin tapped Bin's back and continued, "Okay, let's start."

After their last run, everyone was so exhausted. The exhaustion and frustration got the better of Sanha and he started sobbing at the corner of the practice room. Eunwoo is beside him in no time when he heard his sobs, the other members following behind. "Sanha, what's wrong?"

"I just- I don't want Rocky hyung to leave." Sanha sobbed harder after he said the words and Eunwoo rubs his back to console him. "I don't want anyone of you to leave. We promised to be together for a long time right? You are my brothers, I need you beside me."

Jinjin and Bin started tearing up hearing Sanha's words and they moved closer, joining Eunwoo to hug Sanha. Mj just stood there staring at his 4 members, not knowing what to do. When Jinjin looked up at him, wanting to pull him into the hug, he said "Let's clean up and go home."

\--------------

Rocky just finished his shower and is doing his night routine when he heard the front door opening. Knowing it's his members he quickly settled on his bed and busied himself on his phone. After a few minutes, Mj and Sanha entered their room but no greetings were exchanged. Mj went straight to his bed which is nearest to the door, beside his bed is Rocky's and on Rocky's other side is Sanha's bed.

Sanha went to get his things on his drawer and left the room to go wash up. Mj started fixing his things on his bed and Rocky, despite his eyes fixed on his phone to not get any attention, can't help but notice how Mj keeps on glancing on his side. "Hyung, what?"

"Huh?" Mj asked, feigning ignorance.

"You keep on glancing at me, what is it?" Rocky asked.

"Oh, it's nothing." Mj answered him and Rocky knows there's something but he let it go, still not wanting any attention on him.

Rocky gave up on pretending to be busy with his phone and decided to sleep instead. Just when he was about to close his eyes, he heard a sob. He looked at Mj but the eldest is facing away from him and is still busy with fixing his bed so he thought he just imagined the sound so he turned his back on Mj's bed and closed his eyes to sleep. After a minute, he heard another sound, a sound so familiar and so heartbreaking at the same time, he knows that sound so well, it's the sound Mj makes when he cries, like the way he did when he's talking about his mom at their last concert. He jolted out of his bed and sat beside Mj in no time.

"Hyung.. Myungjun hyung, what's wrong? Why?" Rocky asked softly, searching Mj's eyes. Mj didn't answer and cried harder instead, his whimpers getting louder so Rocky held his hand and rubbed it as a gesture of comfort while waiting for the eldest to calm down and speak to him.

When Mj calmed down, he looked at Rocky, studying his face, looking at him with the fondness he always have for the boy but with a hint of sadness.

"Minhyuk, why do you want to leave?" Rocky's chest tightened at his hyung's sudden question but he didn't miss the way Mj called him Minhyuk, making his heart swell..

"You haven't called me Minhyuk in a long time.." Rocky said.

Mj enclosed Rocky's hand with both his hands, "You will always be my Minhyuk, as I will always be your Myungjun hyung, you know that right?"

A tear is threatening to fall from Rocky's eyes, "Ah hyung, why are you making me cry? you're sappy." He laughed softly and smacked Mj's arm playfully.

"You haven't answered my question."

Before Rocky could answer, the door to their room opened just when Mj wiped the tears from the younger's cheeks.

"Oh, sorry. I'll come back later." Sanha said, looking at Rocky then at Mj.

"No Sanha, come here." Mj motioned for Sanha to sit beside him. "Don't you want to say something to your Rocky hyung?"

When Sanha sat on Mj's bed, Mj turned to Rocky again, "Sanha cried earlier at practice."

"Why? Why? Are you hurt somewhere?" Rocky asked the maknae, concern written in his eyes.

Sanha was silent for awhile so Rocky asked again, "What's wrong? Is practice hard?" Sanha nodded and said, "Because you're not there."

Rocky stilled.

"But why? It's not the first time you practiced for a 5 person performance over our songs. We even did a whole comeback with 5." Sanha is looking down, not knowing how to answer and Rocky pat Sanha's hair, "besides, you always complain how I nag you at practice all the time so it must be a relief huh?" he laughingly teased the maknae to make light of the situation but seeing as Sanha frowned, he immediately stopped. Mj, on the other hand, can't believe what he's hearing but still, Rocky continued,

"Look guys, last time, it was Bin hyung who's not around.. It's just me this time around, you'll do well. I know you will."

Mj is now looking at Rocky like he's grown three heads, "How does this compare to that Minhyuk?" Sanha finally looked up at Mj's words. "We performed as 5 when Bin is not around, with the thought of him joining us again after. Same case whenever Eunwoo is not available to perform with us because of his schedules." Mj's voice started to get shaky as he's starting to be on the verge of tears again.

"Minhyuk, Rocky-yah, we practiced earlier and it was hard. so fucking hard." Mj let go and let his tears fall again this time.

Sanha looked at Rocky and see the confusion on his eyes. "You still don't get it don't you?" Sanha asked, sadness clear on his voice.

Mj reached Rocky's hand to hold again, "It's the first time we have to do it without you, and that's not even the hardest part. The hardest part of the practice earlier is thinking how the modifications we're doing to fit the performance without you could be permanent and it fucking scared the hell out of me."

Sanha rubbed Mj's back as Mj pulled Rocky's hand close to his face as he cries, wanting Rocky to understand how hard it is for him and for everyone.

Sanha's eyes are full of tears as well when he looked at Rocky

"Please don't leave us hyung, whatever it is, we can fix it right? If it's because of me, I promise I'll be better, i'll be good to you hyung, just please.. don't leave me.."

Rocky moved to hug Sanha as the youngest buried his face on Rocky's neck still crying his heart out. "Our baby sanha.." Rocky cooed while caressing Sanha's hair and Mj moved to hug both in his arms.

"I don't know what will happen, and nothing's final yet. Don't worry too much okay? I will always be here for you no matter what."

Sanha tightened the hug, "Don't leave us."

"You're ASTRO, always remember that, and we love you so much, much more than what you believe." Mj added.

"I love you guys too. so so much."

_That's why I'm hurting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots and lots of crying again. also, i hope i project emotions alright?
> 
> ..imagine an astro performance without rocky? i wonder how astro would do it in real life. like if rocky has a different schedule or something, sometimes i wonder about that kind of stage and also think about how the fans would react.
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading. spoiler alert, next chapters will still have lots of crying. we need to let them release all their pent up emotions you know :')


	6. you always have me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry I can't be perfect,"
> 
> "We don't need you to be perfect. What does it mean to be perfect anyway?" ...

It was one of the nights Eunwoo comes home late because of filming. He was expecting everyone to be asleep when he comes home, but when he did, he saw Rocky sitting on their couch, looking down at his phone watching something.

"You're still up?"

Rocky looked up at that, "Obviously."

Eunwoo held his chest acting like he's hurt when he answered, "Just when I thought you'd say you're waiting for me"

"Did I say I'm not?" Rocky smiled at him and Eunwoo invited himself to sit beside Rocky and nudged his shoulders a bit.

"You always do that.." Eunwoo said looking in front instead of Rocky on his side and smiled. "I don't think I ever told you this but it makes me happy, so happy." Eunwoo sighed.

_I'm definitely gonna miss this if he leaves,_ he thought.

Eunwoo can feel Rocky looking at him so he turned his head to acknowledge him with a small smile. They stayed silent for a while by each other's side and Rocky was the first to break the silence.

"Hyung," Rocky started.

"Hmm?" Neither of them moves to look at each other, they just stayed there side by side backs against the couch.

"Is it hard?, having all these schedules? with barely having enough time to rest?"

"Sometimes.."

"Well, try being me.." he mumbled to himself but Eunwoo caught that.

"Rocky.." Eunwoo moves to face Rocky but Rocky still doesn't move.

"i'm sorry.." Rocky sighed and closed his eyes, "you won't like that, it's frustrating being me.."

Eunwoo held his hands silently urging him to face the older, "Why do you think like that? Tell me."

When Rocky finally looked at him, he saw something he can't quite figure out in his eyes, it's like a mixture of sad and tired.

"I don't know, I love to dance, I love performing you know that, It's my dream.. It's just, these days I feel so empty that I can't even enjoy doing the things I love, that's frustrating don't you think?"

"That happens to everyone, you know. You shouldn't beat yourself too much about it." Eunwoo squeezed the hand he's holding.

"It's hard living in my own head." Rocky answered as he throws his back onto the couch.

"Then make it easier," Eunwoo says, looking at Rocky, and there's a challenge in his eyes. "Share your thoughts, you have us, you have me. Tell us when you're hurting, let us help you."

Rocky looked at Eunwoo again, "I'm sorry I can't be perfect,"

"We don't need you to be perfect. What does it mean to be perfect anyway?" Eunwoo gently leaned his head on Rocky's shoulder. "I just want to remind you that you are not alone."

Rocky sighed and leaned his head on the older's head on his shoulder. He lets himself feel the comfort of having someone by his side, atleast for now.

\----------

Bin is on his way to the kitchen to get some water when he heard someone talking,

"It's hard living in my own head"

Hearing Rocky's voice made him stop on his tracks, remembering the night he approached Rocky only to be turned away from.

"Then make it easier," Bin isn't surprised it's Eunwoo who's talking to Rocky, that it's Eunwoo Rocky chose to talk to about things, but it still hurts him- angers him even.

He sprint back to his room with heavy steps, forgetting the thirst he had awhile ago. When he entered the room, Jinjin looked up at him,

"Why?" Jinjin asked when he noticed Bin is frowning.

"Rocky, he's talking to Eunwoo." Bin sat on his bed with a huff.

"and?" Jinjin asked again when Bin didn't continue.

"I don't get why he's not talking to me. I thought he just wants to be alone to think, but obviously not."

"Have you tried talking to him again?

"No. I thought he just needs time and don't want to talk to anyone," Bin sounds frustrated, "but now he's talking to Eunwoo about his feelings?" he buried his face in his pillow and groaned.

Jinjin moved to sit on Bin's bed. "Maybe he's just not ready to talk about it that time Bin." he pats Bin's arms, "you should try talking to him again, maybe this time he'll open up to you."

"I don't care now, it seems like he doesn't care about me. If he wants to leave then fine." Bin's voice is muffled by the pillow but Jinjin understood the words clearly,

"You don't mean that." his voice is stern and Bin quickly sat up hearing Jinjin's tone, shoulders sagging.

"I'm sorry hyung." he bit his lips and he's close to tears, "I really don't mean that, I got carried away by emotions. I'm sorry." tears finally escaping his eyes and Jinjin is holding him in no time.

"Bin, just try talking to Rocky again hmm? You're the closest to him, you're the one who knows him best."

"Am I?" Bin sighed and wiped his tears away.

"You are, promise me you'll try." Bin nods and Jinjin pats his hands before standing up to go back to his own bed.

\--------

It was evening the next day when Bin got the courage to talk to Rocky.

Rocky is washing his dish when Bin talked behind him.

"Rocky-yah, can we talk?" the cup Rocky is washing slipped out of his hands when he heard Bin talk and he looked back.

"Hyung, you scared me."

"Sorry, I just.. just want to talk to you and thought this is the right time." Bin said

"Hmm? okay, what is it?" Rocky asked turning around from Bin to finish his dishes.

"Later, when you're done with that. Let's take a walk outside" Rocky paused for a moment, heart beating fast at the thought of having to talk with Bin alone.

"Okay" he answered after awhile and Bin sighed a breath of relief.

"I'll wait for you outside." Bin said and he make his way out the front door.

It's been almost 5 minutes when Rocky came out, Bin stood up straight away from the wall he's leaning on but when Rocky laid eyes on him, he turned back and entered the dorm again leaving Bin confused.

He contemplated following Rocky inside but when he's about to enter, the door opened and Rocky comes out again handing Bin his jacket.

"Why are you out without your jacket? It's cold." Rocky rolled his eyes at Bin and Bin just smiled, _there's his best friend_ , he thought.

The night is quiet and cold and Rocky snuggled at his jacket as he walks behind Bin. They have been walking for a while but no one has spoken a word. They continued walking until they reached a spot where they used to hangout a lot back then and Bin finally stopped, they call it their spot. It's an overlooking place, you can see almost the entire city from it and both of them loves this spot. It's such a shame they've both been busy to hang out and go here for the past few months. Bin sighed and turned to face Rocky.

"Hyuk-"

"I'm sorry."

They both said at the same time and Bin was surprised at Rocky's apology.

"Why? why are you apologizing?" he asked and Rocky looked down.

"The other day, at the kitchen. I'm sorry." Bin stepped closer to Rocky and held his hands.

"You don't need to apologize, I understand." Bin squeezed the hand he's holding before letting it go.

There was silence between them again, they stood there side by side, leaning over the railings and admiring the view quietly..

Bin glanced at Rocky and saw that the younger has his eyes closed, feeling the cold air.

"I forgot how beautiful and peaceful it is here.. It's been a long time since the last time we came here. I missed this view. You?" Bin asked, his eyes now fixed at the view.

"I'm almost always here." Rocky answered with a sigh and Bin felt emotions rush through him. He's the only one who got busy, he's the one who didn't have time to hang out with Rocky and go here anymore. He felt his tears coming, Rocky always ask him to go with him if he wants to go to this place, when did he stop doing that and just went here all alone? The last time he went here was a day after his birthday, he always comes here during his hiatus, and Rocky always knows whenever he needs someone to accompany him or whenever he wants to be left alone. It's almost a year since then and he can't remember if Rocky even asked him to come with him since then especially when he got busy after coming back from his hiatus.

He can't believe how much he missed out on his best friend's life, he can't believe how much he haven't noticed. He then realized that living together and seeing each other almost everyday maybe is not enough. Keeping relationships is a constant effort, on both sides.

Rocky heard sobs coming from his side and he tries his best not to to look because even just hearing the sounds already breaks his heart, how can he handle the sight. He took a deep breath, looked up at the sky and blinked the tears that formed in his eyes to let them fall.

Looking up the sky, he reached for Bin's hand and held it tight..

"Please don't cry.." he said, wiping away his own tears with his other hand. "You know I don't like to see you cry, I don't know the reason for your tears tonight but if it's me, that's more reason for you to stop. I'm not worth it."

"Stop Hyuk.. STOP!" Bin nearly shouted and tugged at the hand holding his to make Rocky look at him.

"Please stop saying that, you are worth every tears I cry if it's you." Bin turned away to look at the view again and Rocky did the same, still holding each other's hands.

"Do you still consider me as your bestfriend?" Bin asked, voice small, afraid of the answer he'll get.

"You will always be my best friend, I hope you know that."

"Why turn to Eunwoo then instead of me?" Bin didn't mean to say it out loud but he caught himself too late.

Rocky was surprised at the question but he still answers, "because he's willing to listen, he's the one who cares enough to--"

"and you think I don't?" Bin turned to look at Rocky and Rocky did the same.

Rocky sighs, "honestly? Yes." he looked down, "I just think you don't"

"Huh." Bin was surprised, he knows he's been a shitty friend lately but he does care, and hearing from Rocky himself that he thinks he doesn't care for him breaks his heart, he looked up to prevent the tears from falling. 

"I'm sorry." Rocky moved to turn away from Bin but a hand reaches to grab his wrist and turns him so that he's looking into those eyes he cherishes so much. The eyes he knows can read him like an open book. Rocky hates it and looking at it now, all he can make out is confusion.

"Why would you leave us? We promised to do this together." Bin said tiredly, tears already blurring his vision but he forcefully blinked those away to properly see Rocky. "I've always believed we will stay together, doing things we love, achieving our dreams. you and me, together. For life.."

"It's good to hear, the words you said." Rocky sighed again, he lost count of how many times he sighed tonight. "but sadly, these are just words."

Bin looked at him, confusion written all over his face and Rocky just gave him a sad smile then resumed his position of facing the view instead of Bin.

"Hyung, you know I will always be here for you no matter what right?" Silence. 

"If you don't, then I'm telling you." He can feel Bin watching him intently but he didn't dare look in his eyes again, "I will always be here for you, even if I leave the group, you will always have me."

Bin grabbed Rocky's hand upon hearing those words, waiting for Rocky to face him again, but when he don't he felt his knees go week, he knelt into the ground and lost it, crying his heart out just to release the pain he feels inside, still holding Rocky's hand. Something is breaking inside of him, it hurts, it hurts so much.

"Rocky please, don't leave me, don't leave us. It hurts, I can't.. I'm sorry for everything.. I'm sorry, please forgive me.. I've been such a bad brother to you." Bin rambles on between his tears and whimpers, he didn't noticed when Rocky slouched down but the next time he opened his eyes, he was at eye level with him, wiping Bin's tears from his face.

"Hyung, I'm not saying I decided to leave already. I'm just saying that no matter what happens, I'm here for you." Rocky held Bin's gaze and cupped his face in his hands,

"But if it comes to that, I hope you could understand and respect my decision."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! hello! :)
> 
> ASTRO IS COMING BACK. are you guys excited? because I AM. i want to finish this story before comeback tho, I have until chapter 8 sitting on my drafts, and I've started on chapter 9 yesterday. I'll wrap it up at 10 chapters. maybe? hehe. anyways, I remember writing the dialogues for this chapter the first time and I cried ngl. I don't know if i made it too emotional or i'm really just too weak-hearted, i admit to that. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. love xx

**Author's Note:**

> this is purely self-indulgent and I hurt myself over this but this fic started when i was so frustrated towards fanmu/astro staff with the way they treat rocky. i don't know where i'm going with this but yea. 
> 
> i love rocky sm. he deserves the world. :'))


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